(JULY 2013)
Peace, Greetings & Blessings to all those who love. I want to send a short
message out at this time--
First, thank you so kindly to all who keep in touch with me with your
concern, love and support that is so meaningful to someone undergoing the
real hardships of the daily grind of prison life that ever strains our
human capacity in so many damaging ways, abodes of dehumanization and
degradation. Our suffering is visible and invisible, obvious and subtle.
None of us are immune to the constant physical and psychological assaults
on us by prisoncrats. Even I falter at times, so your comfort is so
meaningful to me. It really matters and I love you all for it.
Some of you have not heard from me for a while and that's because I've
been transferred. I'm back in Donovan prison in San Diego, after doing a
program in the Dept. of Mental Health, where I was sent due to incidents of
genital self-mutilation through the years for want of sex-change surgery
that the prison dept won't give trans women in men's prisons. The doctors
at the DMH recommended surgery for me, a really great development in and of
itself. They have an independence that prison psychs don't have. I've made
a formal request for surgery, but this is where the problem lies. The
prison department does not have to follow the recommendation and will not
give surgery. A prior request for surgery was denied. But there is some
separate development. My information is that one of the girls won her
lawsuit for surgery but the prison department appealed it and it is now in
the federal appeal court. A similar case in another state prison is on
appeal by the prison dept there. So we've made some progress. Yet another
federal court ruled that prisons can't refuse to treat transsexualism with
hormones and/or surgery if the doctors they hire to evaluate trans
prisoners recommend it. This ruling came out in March when the U.S.
Supreme Court declined to hear an appeal of the ruling. Legally, this case
can serve to persuade the appeal courts in the other two cases to adopt the
same logic. It is practically a given at this point that all prisons will
eventually be required by the federal courts to provide surgery to trans
prisoners who are recommended for it by qualified doctors. This would
include me, but we are still some years from that day.
Things are not the same here as when I left in NOvember. I got back
on June 25th. I have been in the hole ever since. The prison claims I now
have two enemies on the yard and so i must be transferred and remain in the
hole until then, a process that takes months. I believe this is
retaliation and a set-up to get rid of me due to the hunger strike
resistance here of last year. I have asked to reconcile with these alleged
enemies, which is when both agree that there is no longer animosity and
they can be safely housed on the same yard. In fact, I did this when I
came here last year. BUt they wont do it this time around. I am to appear
before a classification committee next week for transfer. I am doing what
very little I can under the circumstances. But in all practicality, I will
be transferred. It is at their discretion. Any challenge would be a fight
that cant be won. The best thing is to roll with it. The sooner I leave,
the sooner i'll be out of the hole. I can and will fight the situation and
my new location and if successful, I will be transferred back here. This
is the most tactical course and at that time supporters in society can join
the effort. Each battle has its time and place. We will decide these
factors, no one else. We will decide them to the best of our advantage.
At this time I do need some help in another way.
I am resigned to being in the hole for several months to come,
throughout summer. I am not allowed my personal property in the hole and
have nothing. I don't have writing gear to keep in contact with those I
write to or their addresses. I do need writing paper, envelopes and
stamps. I do a lot of other writing, so paper is important, lots of it.
everything can be sent in a plain non-padded manila envelope. Three
writing tabs max is cool and long #10 envelopes. In addition, I need
reading material. Anyone can send print material like zines, books,
newsletters, magazines, downloadeds. It is best to note "distributor" or
''books to prisoners'' on the return address. I have a healthy interest in
news of world events as they occur, especially where fags are concerned,
military operations, and events in the middle east. I also love doing
crossword puzzles from "USA Today'', LA TIMES and NY TIMES. Photocopies or
clippings can be sent. I read wide, so almost any subject of reading
material can be sent. The only thing is no nudes. pictures can be sent
but not polaroids. I really need this and will love you so much for it.
Or hey, just write 
It gets very depressing in these holes. They are intentionally
structured and operated in crude fashion. The most glaring issue is the
unpainted cells. They are grey concrete, faded and dirty walls, an
oppressive sight that bombards the mind all day. it's like living in a
cave. They are very small which makes me struggle with my claustrophobia.
After over 30 years in prison, I do have psych issues; No one can survive
that long without them. I'm highly claustrophobic. I'm a mental health
patient. I've done half my time in the holes of various prisons off and on
through the years and decades. I get chronic and severe depression and I
often experience anguish and anxiety. I have the symptoms of post
traumatic stress disorder. I am diagnosed as hypo-manic or bipolar and can
go from peppy to blue in an instant. I sleep only 4 hours a night, usually
two at a time, with the light on because the dark makes me anxious
and claustrophobic I have nightmares. I feel trapped, and desperate at
times and have emotional breakdowns and crying bouts. I've tried suicide
several times through the decades, ended up in a community hospital to keep
me alive. Even Amazons in the trenches are human beings and have our
weaknesses. But I'm keenly focused on survival and believe i'll make it.
I want everyone to know that I love you. I need your love at this
moment, I'm not too proud to say it. Thank you ever so much for a part of
yourself. Im my own way I pray for your peace and well being.
With Great Love and Tears,
Amazon